When does it end...

When does the pain end. Will it be today or tomorrow, three years from now or never. I don't have the answer and my grief counselor says I am doing a remarkable job of moving on and keeping Joe's memory alive with his scholarship fund and Joedance film festival. Ok, not to downplay her importance of my healing, but memories are not what I signed up to keep alive. I worked hard to bring Joe into this world as healthy as possible and to keep him safe as he grew up, but then came his cancer and I had no control of his destiny. Never in my life did I feel such desperation as I felt the sands of his life sift through my fingers never having a way to keep it in my hands. Our family was not fighting poor decisions but rather a beast that devoured my son. A beast with no compassion and offered no second chances.