A Switch UP

I was going to update everyone on Joedance with this blog but I am taking a different direction.  Just before writing this blog I saw a post on the McCallie Facebook page about Jordan Thomas, a boy Joe went to school with at McCallie.  Jordan had a horrible boating accident while on vacation with his family and the result was losing both of his legs from the calf down. He started a foundation to help fund prothesis for others in need, he was nominated as a CNN Hero of the Year and he now has a video on the Golf Channel.

But what you may not know is that one of the last emails Joe read was from Jordan Thomas, and one of the last phone calls our family received was from Jordan Thomas.  I remember his words. "They call me a hero but Joe has always been my hero and I think of him every day as I continue my work."

They are both heroes. One that rose from a tragedy and one that taught us to live while dying.

Ice Covered

Charlotte is covered in ice. David leaves in the morning for Scotland and we will be on our way to Charleston afterwards to throw some rosemary in the bay and take a swig of Jameson in Joe's memory.   We will meet up with Joe's friends for dinner and memories.

I keep my fingers crossed our plans will not be derailed by Mother Nature. This trip is so important to me to visit where Joe's ashes were spread with his friends and his brothers.

And The Joedance Website Is Live

Our Website is live and you can find us at www.joedance.org.  I hope you visit the site and learn more about Joedance and our support of Phase I and Phase II Clinical Trials and Research at Levine Children's Hospital in Charlotte, North Carolina.

This is an exciting time for Joedance Film Festival and I want to thank each and every one of you that have supported us since the very first festival and those of you who have become recent supporters.

I write these words in every letter, to every sponsor and to every donor and to this day is hard to write.  "Joedance was founded in memory of our oldest son Joe, and Tony and David's brother, who passed away at the age of 20 from Osteosarcoma".  But today these words will not bring tears to my eyes, they will guide me to a greater cause and give back the control I did not have when Joe was dying.

Our family is so appreciative of your support.

Joedance Website

Twenty plus emails today, thousands of hours writing, many hours of research, combing through photos and there it is on our website.  It is ready to be launched tomorrow.  When we started Joedance we always thought about keeping it small and local.  But we have the best of two worlds; all of you in the cyber world and all of our neighbors.

I never thought we would get to this place of Facebook, Websites, sponsors, donor packages and original films.  But here we are and here I am making sure that the spirit of Joedance does not get lost.

It is about a boy who loved films and fought against all odds to be just a boy.

Making It Through The Week

I made it through the week.  It was not pretty, it was tearful and I was drained.  But when the messages, the cards and the phone calls starting coming I knew I was not alone.  Not in my grief or those who still remember Joe.

It so hard for me to believe that is has been three years.  It seems like yesterday, and yet a lifetime ago, that we transformed our home in to a mini hospital.  It seems like yesterday I drove Joe to McCallie for his last chapel talk with twelve oxygen tanks in the back seat with Mike and my parents following behind.

It  seems like a century ago he was diagnosed.  I miss him, my family misses him and his friends miss him. Thank you for helping our family make it through his difficult week. We are fortunate to have you by our side.

The End

Last night before Tony headed back to school we sat in our living room and talked about the end.  How we were amazed that three years have passed.  How Tony crashed and burned at a dive meet last year on the anniversary of Joe's death.  How hard it is for the boys to tell their new friends about Joe. We went down memory lane telling funny stories of Joe and the boys growing up.  We laughed but then I cried when the house was quiet and was left alone with my thoughts.  

I don't sleep much during this time and find it difficult to focus.  I have learned to "clear the decks" and not take too much on in case the chink in my amour will fail.  Joe would not have liked that I do this, he never liked to see me cry or be sad even at the end.  But after all the brave faces I have put on during his battle with cancer I will be truthful.  I miss Joe everyday and am sad how his absence has changed our family.  

Happy New Year

One year ago I posted a resolution for a more peaceful, less tearful 2012.  Well, I made it half way and I think I deserve a pat on the back for that.  I have made peace with Joe being gone but I have had to talk about him more this year to people who never knew him.  I had to put myself out there to promote Joedance and the stories come up.  And it is tough.  I consider a good meeting is without tears or choking up.

I have met with other families that have lost their children to rare cancers.  We cry, we hug, we are all raising money for rare cancers.  We will never be as big as the "Pink" but we are all doing good on a smaller scale.

Yes, I have accepted losing Joe but I have not made peace with those who still suffer with rare pediatric  cancers.  Hopefully in memory of Joe I will go forward with grace to help others. And that is my New Year's resolution.