Tiny Steps Turn in to Large Leap

So much for the tiny steps. Today I took a large leap back to Levine Children's Hospital where Joe was a patient for most of the past four years. Mike and I have the honor of sitting on the Family Advisory Council for LCH and are parent representatives for the Pain Free Committee. I have not been to LCH since September 2009 and, well to be honest, it started out far from pleasant.

As I entered the parking garage my old familiar gut wrenching, heart racing feelings returned. The ones I felt every time we checked Joe in for surgery or a chemotherapy treatment. The smell of the "foam in/foam out" invaded my nostrils to the brink of nauseousness causing me to dig frantically in my fashionable oversized bag for a peppermint. I searched for the most indiscreet seat, fiddled with my note pad and tried to calm my shaking hands as my palms became slick with sweat. Take a deep breath my mind demanded, but my body did not respond.

Then, as a new member, I was politely introduced and asked to tell my story. Voice cracking, most times halting, I recounted the past four years. Slowly gaining strength, I spoke of our support of LCH through Joe's Bone Cancer Walk, recounting how the care Joe received gave us comfort, and the importance of making every child's experience be as close to pain free as possible.

The tremors in my hands subsided, my heart slowed and the churning in my stomach lessened. This is important to every child that enters LCH and, as a member of this committee, I have the opportunity to work towards that goal.