So after a year now what? For some reason my thoughts were after January 8th I would feel a slight burden lifted from my aching shoulders. I would see Joe as a child with his "off the wall" shining hair, or in middle school with his incredibly long "thirteen year old" hair or better yet his proudly displayed side burns as a freshman at McCallie.
No, the first image I see when my head hits the pillow is nothing but skin stretched over bones during his last days. They are stubborn memories allowing the fond ones only a fleeting pass before they are squelched. They are memories cloaked in darkness, grey and cold, and leaves me shivering.
So I have taken up of habit thumbing through a few pictures every day of Joe's various hair stages-long, buzzed, and of course those amazing sideburns just before sleep takes me away to either my dreams or nightmares. My reasoning is this simple, if those are my last images of Joe before sleep maybe they will squeeze the haunting memories out. Not forever but just enough to allow me to rest.
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