Far East, Alaska and Charlotte

Mike is in the Far East, Tony and David are visiting a friend in Alaska and I am in Charlotte. This is a peek into our future. We are texting, calling about the "important stuff" and emailing. Three years ago one was away at college, two were at home and our family still seemed to be grounded. Now with everyone scattered this week I feel the urge to keep in touch more than ever.

So what used to be the gathering around the table for dinner has become short snippets of text messages, emails and of course there will always be that occasional "panic" phone call when someone forgot to do this or that. What is important is that we keep in touch daily. A picture posted on Facebook, a text, an email, a call and then a visit that becomes seamless because we made the effort everyday.

My Mind is Spinning

Another trip in one day to McCallie to attend a memorial service for Joe's friend. We sat in the back, keeping an escape route close at hand, keeping our heads down and trying hard to keep ourselves together. Then Gus's Mom approached the podium to speak, her voice cracked and I was snapped back to January 2010. I wanted to sprint from the back of the chapel and hold her tight, hold her up, give her support to finish the words that were so important to her. I held my breath through each tearful word saying in my head "finish because it is so important." Georgia finished with grace and just the right words that only a mom could say.

Dinner

Was it a blessing, or was it time to laugh and talk. Whatever the circumstance tonight our dinner was a throw back to when we would all gather around the table and just talk. Tony laughed so hard he fell out of his chair and David held his sides while I watched Mike do his usual lean back in his chair laugh. We poked fun at ourselves and others, we coined new phrases because we stumbled over our words. It was a Restaino dinner, lasting more than two hours, discussing this and that, laughing and throwing in some tears here and there. We were given another chance express how precious our boys are to us, how proud we are of them, how to take care of each other and how to be in the moment.

So 10:30 p.m. and finally the dishes are done and we are off to sleep. That is the way it used to be and I am grateful for this special night.

My Sorrow

I don't know how to convey my sorrow to a family who has lost their son. The card is on the desk, and all I can think of writing is "I am so sorry, just so, so sorry and you are in our thoughts." Is that enough, is it too much, is it pretentious for us to feel their grief. I have learned everyones path is different, each one has their own special of way dealing loss and pain. Anger, the hollow feeling in your stomach in the morning, the shaking voice when asked how many children you have. Do you leave that one out for convenience of not having to explain. Do you then spend years of forgetting yet years of remembering in private? Do I silently wish to see Joe walk through the door? No doubt that is my wish.

One Old, One Young

I heard of two deaths this week, one of an elderly woman I knew in book club and one of a classmate of Joe's; just a mere 21 years old. Both, in different ways, took me to my knees. It was Joyce struggling in the last years of her life, and Gus having his life cut short. Either way there was a knot in my gut, the one I felt when Joe passed away, the wrenching feeling when I knew there was nothing more that could be done.

I don't know which is worse: being by their side when they die or never having the opportunity to say good bye. Either way there will always be a hole in your heart and ribbons of memories that play constantly in your mind.

I hope for peace to both families.