Movies

We snuggled into the oversized comfortable chairs at the EpiCenter Theater waiting for some comic relief from The Hangover II. Which ended up not being as funny as the first, but none the lest we were there after a lovely dinner at Basil. It was one of those evenings that nothing was rushed. There was enough time for dinner and a slow stroll to the show. We were feeling relaxed.

Until the trailers. The preview of 50/50 was in our face. A guy who had to face brain cancer, no not a good cancer, and then came the scene where he shaved his head for chemo. The theater was suddenly cold, and those around us laughing sent chills down my spine. Yes, it has been presented on the trailers as a comedy, a dark comedy, but to us it was reality. I remember the first and second time we shaved Joe's head. And yes, there are times you dig deep to find humor to survive because sometimes that is the only way you can make it through the day. As the trailer went on the laughing and joking subsided as real human choices were presented. The theater was quiet.

Seven Years

The tears spilled down my cheeks and I was sure they were not noticeable to the faculty on stage. It was Baccalaureate at McCallie. I saw the podium where Joe gave his first and last chapel talk, and where Tony exposed his ability to be himself, and David challenged his classmates to accept failure. I raised my eyes to forever memorize the faces of the faculty and staff who made Joe's graduation possible and covered Tony and David in a blanket of comfort. Our connection to this school is different. Our years were filled with hope, then devastating news, then hope again.

It was a Baccalaureate for Tony and David without Joe. It was a graduation without Joe. It was a weekend of joy and heartbreak. One of putting rosemary on Joe's ashes, one of white pants and navy blazers and missing Joe.

Graduation

I was organized. Planned ahead. All appropriate clothing was laid out in military fashion to expedite the packing of navy blazers, charcoal dress pants with dark socks, white pants with light socks. Suits and dresses were lined up by time and day. Control was the business of the day and weekend. I packed the car, picked up my parents on time and swooped Mike in the car from work. We were on our way to Graduation. We arrived, with a few mishaps on the way but nothing we could not over come, in time to have dinner with Tony and David. The conversation was lively and we turned in early knowing the planned activities would make for a long weekend.

I laid my head on the pillow with ease knowing every i was dotted and every t was crossed. I relaxed. Then it happened the next morning. A little thing called water.

As we were getting ready, I turned the water on in the sink, left the bathroom to retrieve some item I felt was important, turned the corner to the bathroom only to realize the slickness of the water covering the floor. Legs slipping out from underneath me I slid across the tile floor and by the power of my right arm I stopped my motion with a slam in to the toilet.

My perfect planning was destroyed, and only having sleeveless dresses I attended Graduation with a large bruise on my upper right arm. Could have been worse so I will take the bruise as a stroke of luck.

Endings and Beginnings

I have been unpacking Tony and David's belongings from McCallie in stages. The first wave came home at Easter, another load was picked up at the Dogwoood Regatta in Oak Ridge and the last was transferred this morning at Indian Beach. All of the duffle bags have been unpacked and the odds and ends left behind will be loaded this weekend at McCallie. The end of four years will be carefully washed and stored away.

So the beginnings are on the horizon. We spent two days with Tony and David's friends at the beach. They talked about the past and talked about their futures. How they know for a fact they will not see Tony for twelve years as he goes for his medical degree or David because he will be traveling the world with his small duffle bag. Each comment was given wistfully, in a way can we go back and re-do these past four years at McCallie. And then a plan was set in place for a reunion next year, something they could hold on to until the next time.

These boys, now men of McCallie hold on tight to each other and no matter how far the distance it is a bond forever. I witnessed that with Joe and I see it with Tony and David.

Picking Up The Pieces

The fog has lifted and the harsh reality of our son never being here falls hard on our hearts. Tempers flare, what was once funny is irritating, the hugs are forced since we all want to be left alone in our own private mourning. Rejoicing accomplishments is always tempered by the absence of Joe. The phone calls from two brothers to their oldest brother about their decisions did not happen.

But what happened long before Joe passed away were their late night conversations. His advice was simple. Follow your dreams, shoot for the best and never look back. Joe you would be proud of Tony and David.

International Affairs

Tony is following the regular American processes for admissions for the University of Chicago. Deposits have been made, requests for housing are done and now it is on to the physical. All wrapped up in a neat package.

David however, until today, was lost. After an email or two we found out there is no deposit required to secure his place, only the first semester tuition. He is able to apply for a student visa even though his passport expires in 1/2012. They will simply ask what passport number he would like to use mid June. He was secured with a University of Saint Andrews ID today by email. His acceptance letter was by email, no he never received a hard copy.

But the what is amazing is every email we receive, no matter who is working in the admissions office, always starts with "Dear Diane" or "Dear David" followed by "Best" or "Best Regards". We Americans, always on the fast track, just start our message and most times don't even sign our names. So maybe a cup of tea is order and make it a habit to address our messages with "Dear" and sign off with "Best".

May

This is a big month. Another Mother's Day, which will be more painful than last year. The fog has been replaced with the reality of Joe being gone, which has settled deep in my heart. And in three weeks Tony and David graduate. We all say where has the time gone but I know where the time went. For four years we were focused on Joe and then it was the spring of their Junior year with the college machine running at full speed. We missed most of Tony and David's middle and high school years.

Tony and David's matriculation will be a celebration as opposed to the sheer miracle that Joe was able to attend his graduation after fighting low blood counts for a week. So after seven years we will bid farewell to McCallie and the extraordinary people who shared their love and support. Yes, we will miss them all. It may be the last opportunity to place rosemary where Joe's ashes are spread, it will be the uneasy feeling of him not being part of the celebration.

But we will feel his joy and pride for his brothers. No doubt his spirit will be with us on that day.

Golf

Golf is a funny game that tests your patience and focus. Both are important components of the game. But today during the Pro-Am at Quail Hollow I had neither. My mind wandered back to when we played golf with the boys while we lived on the 8th hole of Fox Den Country Club in Knoxville.

We would walk out our door, just start playing and laugh a lot. It was a time with no television, no phones and no computers. Out in the sunshine walking with our clubs on our backs. A time where a spectacular drive was appreciated, a duff drew sarcastic commentary and a good putt was justified with a high five. It was just plain and simple fun.

Tightrope

The tension of a tightrope is tricky. Not too much, not too little but just enough to hold your weight to make it perfect. We walk that everyday in our lives and our jobs. For two eighteen year old boys to place their feet in the right place is incredible. For the same two boys to walk the tightrope without a misplaced step after they watched their brother die is extraordinary.