Has It Been Two Years?

Agitation started to swell with in me this week. Everything was crosswise and out of place. I searched to find my source of unsteadiness and then I located it on my bookmark bar: Joe Restaino, September 30, 2009, the video of his chapel talk at McCallie. That was the last time we would be on campus until his service in the very same chapel in January 2010.

I always revisit his chapel talk in the fall but for some reason this year it crept up on me. Maybe because I was busy with the twins, maybe it is too painful or maybe it is hard to see him so frail and gasping for air. But I remember the trip to Chattanooga with our car filled with oxygen tanks, the pain he endured during the trip and his dad helping him dress in the morning. We arrived backstage at Mccallie and his tumor filled lungs were giving out. The cough started along with the sweats just as he saw his friends approach the chapel. I remember he asked me to defer them from coming backstage directing them to the chapel, he did not want them to see him struggle. He was going to be brave to the end. And he was brave and gracious and grateful we were all with him until the end.

Not Out of the Woods Yet

Just when I thought I was over losing Joe and sending Tony and David off to far corners of the world the letter arrives. Simply addressed to Mr. Joseph Michael Restaino from UPenn. In his absence of course I opened it and read that they, in the official term, had "withdrawn by decision" his active status. He had been absent for more than four semesters. It was another reminder of him being gone, not ever coming back and only our memories of Joe will keep him alive in our hearts.

No, we are not out of the woods just yet since mail like this keeps coming.

Seventeen and a Half Hours

You learn a lot about a person when you spend seventeen and a half hours together traveling and you are reminded of the endearing qualities that touch your heart. That was David and me making the long trip to St. Andrew's last weekend. I found out he likes Indian food, never really knew that, he doesn't use pencils anymore and much prefers pens; and that his public politeness is over the top. I learned he is a savvy traveler so I came home with a feeling of ease that he will navigate the UK and most of Europe without a hiccup.

I was reminded of how he softly chuckles when he watches a funny show, that he journals almost every night, he has scraps of papers with carefully written lines of something he is working on and that he worries about everything and everyone.

After such a long trip, and me trying to master the "other side of the road" driving, I will always remember his tall strong gait as he walked away to his dorm and his next four years.

And they are off...

Tonight the grill was going, my tomato sauce was bubbling and the spags were cooking. It was the last dinner together until December. The time flies by quickly and suddenly you are at the point of your children leaving for college. We will have one in Chicago, one in Scotland and they have figured out the best time to Skype is at 1 am Monday morning. So I will take a nap to be alert for the early morning chat because I don't want to miss one moment of them finding their way.

Tony and David good luck and may your dreams come true.

We love you,
Mom and Dad

September

This is a very special month for me and no it is not about Tony and David going off to college. It is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. I will remember those who have stood by as they watched their children battle this horrible decease that robs them of their childhood. I will pray for those who are currently facing the challenges of chemotherapy, central lines, infections, hair loss and the hope that the harsh chemicals will restore their lives. I will rejoice for those who have survived. I will cry for those who did not.

I will remember Joe.

Holden Beach

Holden Beach is where our family gathers every year since moving to Charlotte. The place we would be together before Joe headed back to McCallie and the boys would start school. And the year Joe was dying Holden Beach was where we spent the last summer together. It was the summer Joe wanted us to tell him about his childhood since the last round of chemo stripped him of his memories. It was the time we put him on the bus to Charleston to commence the first North Hutch Reunion. It is where his ashes were spread just a year ago.

The waves are big, thanks to two storms, and the rip tide is dangerous; but knowing Joe he would be riding those waves throwing caution to the wind. What did he have to lose except losing the experience.