Did We Do Right

Boys don't talk much. They show emotions in different ways, mostly a quiet way. Saying something quickly, or writing a note to be found later long after they are gone, and I have yet to encounter lengthy emotional conversations. Well, at least with my sons.

But today I was given the incredible gift of a peek inside of what is like to lose a brother, a dearly loved brother, in a most unusual form: a college essay. From the first sentence to the closing paragraph I relived these past years, not from a prospective as a mom, but one of a brother. Tony and David grew up in warp speed over these past five years. I don't have to ask the question if they are different now than nearly five years ago; I see it in their eyes, their conversations skirting around our collective hurt and loss, and the polite smiles on their faces.

I have asked myself repeatedly was it right for us to bring Tony and David into every twist and turn with Joe? Some days I stand firm with our decision, and other days I waiver. But what I do know, without question, is I felt every painful memory along with Joe's brother.