FINANCIAL HEADACHES!!!

There I was today working through the renewal of our Charitable Solicitation and the headaches of filling out Government forms took over my life.  Eight hours later I was still reading the instructions.  Several calls to the Secretary of State Office in North Carolina I received the same answers "read our step by step instruction sheet" and you should have no problem. Here's the problem is there are required questions and then there are optional but strongly suggested questions, so should I leave out the strongly suggested answers.  Will I be denied for leaving them out?  And all of it numbers...not my strong suit.  Digging through receipts, bank statements and spread sheets I finally gave up and had a manicure.  It will still be on my desk in the morning and the Secretary of the State office will be open all day.  And I will preserver, I will  conquer the Charitable Solicitation Form.

Or I will call my accountant.

Susan

There was Susan at our front porch, impeccably dressed, with the up most dignity and grace.  And she had just admitted her husband of forty-two years to an Alzheimer's facility just two days ago.   She said I lost him when he had cancer and I have lost him again two days ago.

I know what that means.  There are stages of losing those you love.  We went through it with Joe.  We lost him when he was diagnosed, we lost him again when he did not respond to treatment and the last loss was when surgery was not an option.

Susan has lost a life she knew, a husband she adored but has the blessing  that her children surround her with love and help every day. I keep Susan in my thoughts every day and this family that is enduring the loss of a family member.

Boston

My heart, my thoughts and my prayers went out to every victim at the Boston Marathon.  I remember a friend of ours ran the Boston Marathon in memory of Joe. The Boston Marathon attracts elite athletes but it is always about the "plodders" that come in at the four hour mark with families waiting to cheer them on.

Today I keep a family in my thoughts and prayers that have been affected by the bombings.  Michael and Nicole are young with many years ahead of them.  And with one swift moment their lives have changed.  Michael has been discharged, Nicole is facing more surgeries.

And today I think of them and wish the best outcome.  

One Week after Easter

This is one of the hardest religious holidays for me.  I still to this day can not attend church on Easter.  I think about the promise and hope of a new beginning and quite frankly all I can see is the incredible pain my family has endured. I think about Tony and David continuing on with their lives without Joe. I think of his friends, aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents moving on after his death.  I think about Joedance and what it means to so many as we continue to remember him.

On this Sunday after Easter I remember my son, so smart and with such a quick wit, taught us to live for today.  Who taught us the power of forgiveness.  Who taught us how to say "I am scared but with you at my side I will be brave."

Who taught us to say "I love you and miss you" to those who are important.

Easter Sunday

The last time we went to church with Joe was Good Friday service in 2006.  He was in a wheel chair and the stay was short since the incense make him sick to his stomach after a round or two of chemo.  He never went back to church again. Instead he searched for other reasons to understand his cross to bear.  Even when meeting with Gene Humphreys, who would do his service, he requested no prayers for him or our family.  He took the scientific path, the new adventure road and the way of not asking why but instead what will it be like when I am gone.

I often think of his bravery.  Knowing he was dying and how he did it with dignity and grace.  And the lessons I learned from him is that when it is your time get your life in order, invite those you care about to be close and take care of business left undone.  And before you go to sleep, before you end a phone conversation, before you depart from a visit always say "Love You" to those that mean the most to you.

Happy Easter Joe.  We love you lots and miss you tons.

 

Survivors Remorse

Today at lunch a woman I just met, but had a common denominator of cancer, expressed her survivor's remorse.  Everyday she asks why did I survive and those, including my son, did not.  She asks everyday how she survived and for what reason.

I do not know the answer to this question.  I am sure I never will.  I have stopped asking "Why Joe?". A bright young man with a future beyond belief had his life cut short before any of his dreams could be realized.

Maybe those who survive and those who have lost a loved one have a mission to carry on.  Survivors find another path for their lives.  Those of us who are left behind find a way to help others.  

Advisory Council

There we were sitting randomly around my living room as I conducted the second Advisory Council meeting for Joedance.  I went down my list of what has happened, what was to come and as I ticked them off I felt and knew I had made accomplishments in Joe's memory.

I have sat in meetings asking for sponsorships and donations and I have always felt the support  from Joe, my family, my Board and my Advisory Council.  All have given me the strength to carry on and move forward.   Thank you for your guidance.