"Love, Loss and What I Wore"

A very popular play especially among females. It is based on a book and adapted into a play by the Ephron sisters about women remembering what they wore during milestones of their lives. I worked the show three times and I paused. Every milestone in our lives I can't even remember what I wore but rather what my boys were wearing.

When David had stitches it was Adidas pants, when Tony was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes it was jeans and a fleece and Joe's cancer was Clarks, jeans, McCallie swim shirt and his navy blue Northface.

I still have the Adidas pants and Tony has his fleece. But I don't have the clothes Joe wore when he last left our home. They were his to keep and ours to remember.

The Silver Lining

Tony was named UAA athlete of the week and David's book with his published poem was in our mailbox. And there my friends is the silver lining.

One Hell of a Week

Joe's anniversary on Sunday, Mom's foot surgery on Wednesday, taking Dad to the ER for a low heart rate on Thursday and then his pacemaker surgery on Friday. Whew! I think I will hit Redbox for some funny movies.

Year Two

Hard to believe it has been two years since Joe has passed away. Outside of his birthday January 8th has been burned into my memory and my heart. But we made it through another year and holiday with the help of so many people. The calls, texts, emails and cards mean so much to us not only because you are thinking of us but more importantly you haven't forgotten Joe.


We spent the weekend filling up the void he left behind. First stop was Holden Beach and then on the Charleston to drop rosemary in the ocean where his ashes were spread respectively. Mike and I stood at the Battery with Michael and Josh reminding me again of these incredible McCallie men and their friendship. We each threw out some Rosemary and toasted Joe with a Jameson, then went on to an evening of catching up and the most delectable meal prepared by Michael and Josh. Tonight we will be with my Mom and Dad telling some seriously funny Joe stories.

We all miss Joe everyday but we are blessed with what he left behind.

Sweetie we love you lots and miss you tons.

My Dear Tony and David

It has been two years, but for you it has been three years of watching your brother die. Today it adds up to a total of five years of your lives. Did we ever thank you for giving up your Junior fall semester to be at home. The countless times you would just step on the campus of McCallie and we would call you back for another grave decision. Did we thank you for the countless sheet changes, holding your brother at the end and the patience you displayed in the last days.

Did we ever thank you? I am sure as our family goes we did but just in case..Thank You for being great men when you should have been boys.

Resolutions

With the New Year approaching we tend to flip through the rolodex of familiar resolutions: lose weight, exercise more, give up the smokes, drink less and make more time for family and friends. All are well intended and some are even achieved by those who are committed to their resolutions.

This year I have a very different list. I want to laugh more and cry less. I want frequent memories of Joe from the months before instead of his last month. I want to lessen the gripping fear of losing Tony and David. Plan for the next phase of my life with Mike as we edge closer every year to retirement. Try to move forward, accept what our family has become while never forgetting those we have lost and the impacts they made. Make a "bucket list" and start checking it off.

These are not traditional resolutions. Some will be easier than others and I hope this list will guide me through a more peaceful new year. My wish is the same to our family and friends

If it Christmas Eve...

...then the Restaino's are trimming the tree. It is a long standing tradition dating back our first Christmas together in Des Moines, Iowa. Both working long hours the only time we had to buy our tree was Christmas Eve. Lacking ornaments and lights we tied ribbons on the scrawny branches. The tree was so short and tiny we towered over it as if we were giants. Even so, we stood back commenting on how beautiful it was.

Thirty-four years later we carry on the tradition. The tree is bigger and is covered with Joe, Tony and David's ornaments collected over the past twenty-two years. But the ribbons are still tied on every Christmas Eve and the tree stands proudly without lights. This is my most favorite of our family's traditions.

So on this Christmas I wish each one of you peace and a holiday full of family traditions.