Good Gracious

Has it really been months since I have signed on and blogged?  It seems I was  pulled into the Joedance vortex and now just surfacing.  So much has happened...so many wonderful things have happened.

We worked hard at Joedance and wrote a check to Levine Children's Hospital for $20,000 for rare pediatric cancer research.  We have sent Tony and David off to their third year in college.  Mike has changed jobs and is now running the 7th Street Public Market in Uptown Charlotte.  And I continue to work on Joedance.

But, in the quiet of the morning, I look over to my beside table and see the picture of Joe with his brothers on the McCallie campus. I still have that  pain in my gut.  That pain begging me to stay under the covers.  Not to face the day.  Being quiet and private would be the easier way to go.

It is not the path I have chosen nor the path I can ignore.  So I push that pain away and get on with trying to make a difference.  One tiny step at a time.

Joedance Film Selections

Today we announced the film selections from local Charlotte filmmakers for Joedance 2013.  A long way from the first Joedance when we showed the films on the wall of a town home.  Our first  film ever  shown was The Big Night.  Not an original film with a Charlotte connection.

Today those who had written and directed original films were there as we announced the Joedance 2013 film selections.  Some have been doing this for a while, and some are just starting out. Either way we are thrilled they submitted their films, we are proud to support local Charlotte films and we will follow the careers of these promising directors.

The Time Has Come

The time came naturally to deal with Joe's clothes. We were staring at them and they were staring back at us.  So we packed them up and sent them to his favorite place to shop, The Salvation Army.  And the remainder of what was important to him is in a cedar chest in our room.

It was time and it is time to move ahead.  Joe would have wanted that without all the trappings of his clothes.  His prized possessions are secured in a safe place that we can visit and remember.

Joe, Love you lots and miss you tons,
Mom

McCallie Luncheon

It happens every year.  Same place, same time and many times the same people.  That would make sense since it is the McCallie Alumni Luncheon.  Mike and I have attended this lunch for several years, but this time was special.  Matt Mildenberg was asked to speak.  He was the recipient of the McCallie Alumni Scholarship and he talked about what he did at McCallie, Penn and what he is doing now.

At the end he talked about giving back.  He told the story of his band and how they only knew "Let It Be" as their encore for a play off to win the Battle of the Bands. It was the only encore song they knew and they were up against a really talented guitar player.  As Matt's band began playing "Let It Be".  Joe  was swaying in his seat,  then he stood up and was swaying and then he was  doing the fake lighter sway and then moved on to having the whole place singing "Let it Be" at the end.  He said Joe was the audience that won his band's title in the Battle of the Bands.  And Matt made sure to tell this happened before Joe was a "celebrity" and was only known for having great facial hair.

In the end Matt asked for the support of the Charlotte  McCallie Alumni for Joedance.  Because if you have a friend that helps you out by doing the fake lighter sway serving up a Battle of the Bands title you remember that for a long time.

Peace

Peace.  It was the topic of Rev. Ollie's sermon and it spoke to my heart. I am sure he did not know how timely it was or how relevant it was to my life. And I know growing up in a family of ministers their hope was to reach maybe a handful of people with their sermons.

But peace is what I strive for after Joe's death.  The drama that surrounds my family, the secrets we keep in order to keep order, the unspoken words, the suffering we endure alone could be so alleviated if we lived our lives through peace.  To those that suffer peace could be achieved by just picking up the phone and asking the simple question of how are you.  Peace is to a friend or family a simple gesture of a squeeze of a hand, a touch on their arm, a straight on gaze into their eyes.  Giving them the out and the reassurance that you know how much it hurts.  Peace is the nod of quiet reflection and loud shouts from the roof tops.

Peace is giving to others every day.  

Clutter

There is clutter in my life. In my house filling every room.  I feel the need to clean out.  But every time I reach for a shirt of Joe's, or a sketch of David's or Tony's chemistry notes I am afraid of losing the past. And I know that if anything is not tossed out without approval I am throwing away the past.

We as a family tend to take hold and keep things down to every scrap of paper to remember our lives.  I wonder is it time to give up Joe's clothes?  Tony and I cleaned out his notebooks from Freshman year at McCallie to the first year at Penn.  It was painful to open the notebooks and see his precise hand writing.  I wanted to keep it, but it was time to let go.

I think of what was important to him in the end.  His wallet, a pen knife handed down to him from a Grandfather he never met, his Campbell Award, the coins Mike brought back from the Far East, Jonny's Air Force Wings and his Saint Christopher's Medal.  All could be held in the palm of your hand.

Yes, it is time to relieve the clutter in my life.  But I am afraid by losing the clutter I will lose what my family was.